Same Old, Same Old.

It’s the New Year and most people are busy making resolutions and setting goals.  It’s a great time of the year to say: New Year, New Me.  Out with the old and in with the new. 

But what’s wrong with the old you?

Nothing.

You are made up of your experiences, your priorities and your traits and being grateful for each and every one of them will help you feel more fulfilled than a gym subscription, a sober Saturday or a healthy eating kick ever will.

We are the sum of our parts, for better or for worse.  You will fail and succeed.  You will be kind and be cruel.  You will love and hate.  You will be hard-working and lazy. 

We may strive for this positive way of living and being happy but what happens when you achieve this dizzying high; this amazingly vague, intangible concept? 

We find ourselves waiting for the hammer to fall and when the inevitable bit of negativity or sadness comes our way, we nod and shrug like we knew it was coming.

If we know it’s coming, embrace it!  That way, you become more resilient and bounce back quicker.  Each failure actually is a lesson rather than an all-consuming tragedy.  Each day sat binge-watching Netflix won’t result in that overwhelming guilt.

Once you become aware of this, you are free to love your inner bitch and indulge in a little crazy time before the calm comes knocking. 

So, New Year, Same You*.

*With added awareness and gratitude that comes from knowing who that is and loving every part of them.

What about me?

We have so many things that we have to do, should have done and need to get done.  Life brings so many demands but, at the end of the day, who are we doing it all for?

The answer has to be ourselves.

If we aren’t inspired by our actions, we will have so many ‘if onlys’, ‘should haves’ and ‘if I’d only had the time tos’ that we end up feeling only guilt and shame.

Our habit is to put the needs of others before our own.  We are driven by the others in our lives and their priorities.  So, we end up putting our own priorities at the bottom of our endless to-do lists.

However, when we focus on our own priorities, everybody wins.

We become happier, more fulfilled and more likely to want to help others rather than having a sense of obligation and duty.  

We all do this.  

The parent to the child.  The child to the parent.  The employee to the boss.  The advisor to the burdened.  The lover to the loved.  The list is endless. 

That list swirls around in our mind and we lose sight of who we are because now we are the list.  

We are not the list.  

Those things that you wake up and look forward to doing are an idea of your priorities and values.  The things you do without having to remind yourself to do them.  

Reading to your child.  Running on the beach.  Checking social media.  Listening to your favourite music as you dance around the kitchen.

Indulge in these things.  Take the time to enjoy the moment.

What can you do for yourself today?
 

What Does Your Inner Coach Say To You?

As an Irish person, my inner coach was self-deprecating, mocking and generally told me not to get ideas above my station.  As a people, we’re not known for any type of self-promotion so our inner coach keeps that in check.

I always wondered if it would be better to have that passionate American-style cheerleader who chants: ‘You’re number 1!’ and ‘You go girl!’ as she enthusiastically shakes her pom-poms.

Could I have achieved more with the voice drill sergeant ringing in my head? The piercing, spittle-laden screams bellowing: ‘We do not give up or give in, you maggot!’

I honestly don’t know.

My inner coach was either shrugging as she kicked back with a glass of wine saying ‘meh’ or wearing her black cloak of negativity, eyeing me derisively saying ‘Why even bother? You’re just going to fail.’

If you don’t take part, you can’t lose.

But not taking part in life is just going to leave you with regrets.

So, I sent my inner coach out training.  We started with small goals, celebrated them and moved on to the next one.

The goals at the start were exercising, registering for a course or saying no to that next glass of wine.  Baby steps but every little counts. 

The goals grew bigger and my inner coach started to embrace the role.

I invested in myself – financially, mentally, physically and socially.

The baby steps became giant leaps.

My inner coach now encourages me, tells me when to take action and holds me accountable.  She celebrates my successes and helps me learn from my failures. 

If you are not accountable to yourself, you are already on the back foot.  You want your inner coach with you when there is work to be done.

Teach your inner coach how to help you.  Learn the tools and skills.  Take that step today.

Subscribe and Go Coach Yourself!

An Annoying Truth

Do you want to know something annoying?

I discovered an uncomfortable truth last year that if I wanted to change my habits and reach my goals, I’d have to work at it.

Irritating, right?

I’d tried so many different things in the past: procrastination, lists that were never completed, half-read books, online self-development courses… the (unfinished) list goes on.

Strangely, none of these things worked.

So, I committed to studying and researching coaching, positive psychology, personal development and human behaviour as these were part of my purpose.

Interesting stuff.  Didn’t help with the unfinished lists and procrastination but it was interesting!

Then it dawned on me: I have to apply what I learn.  I had to take action, be accountable and go coach myself.

Dammit.

As clichéd and annoying as it sounds, when you put the work in, you get so much more out of it.

I hate clichés.

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Know Yourself: Empower Yourself →

How much do you know about yourself?  How much time do you spend in a day looking at who you are and how you came to be this person?

When we embrace all the parts of who we are, we empower ourselves.  We take ownership of our good and bad sides, accept our past and move forward with our life.

There are so many self-help books, gurus and positive thinking apps to show us the ‘best’ path to take but only you know your journey.

What are the steps that you want to take next?  What do you want to do more?  What is your purpose?  How are you going to transform your life?

You are the only person who can intrinsically motivate that change.  That change comes about when you recognise that the events of your life are on the way and not in the way. 

The silver lining of every cloud is that you can learn from all the situations in your life no matter how terrible they may seem when you look back on them.  They shape who you are today; for better or for worse.

Knowing this empowers you. 

Dr John Demartiini has developed a method that helps us recognise that we own all the traits.  He teaches us that we can access our full potential by dissolving our resentments and infatuations and recognising that every event or experience is a step on our journey.

They are on the way, not in the way.

The Attitude of Gratitude

Do you show gratitude?  Are you good at accepting thanks?  Would you like more appreciation in your life?

This simple exercise developed by Martin Seligmann, the author of Authentic Happiness, will increase our appreciation of others and make you feel good about yourself and the good things in your life.

To do this you need a pen, a notepad and some time to reflect at the end of the day.  You can also use your phone or a file on your laptop but if you decide to do this in bed at the end of the day, pen and paper work best.

The end of the day, just before you go to sleep, is a great time for this activity as it sends us to sleep with a lovely frame of mind.

All you have to do is write down three things that happened in your day that you are grateful for and why you feel grateful.

It could be that you had a good workout and you are grateful for the strength of your body.  It could be a beautiful sunrise and the wonderful colours of dawn.  It could be a stranger who complimented your work or a loved one made you smile.

The situation may not be positive: that sunrise was when you were heading into work.  That workout could have been brutal.  That work compliment could have been after a disastrous meeting.

You need to hunt the good stuff.

If you do this exercise every night, you will go to sleep happier.  You will start to feel a new awareness and appreciation for the people in your life and start noticing the little things.

And your Attitude of Gratitude will shine.